


God Fucking Damnit Dave

by ambrolen



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bulges (Homestuck), Bulges and Nooks (Homestuck), Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Masturbation, Nook Fingering (Homestuck), Nooks (Homestuck), Tentabulges (Homestuck)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 01:02:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19983475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambrolen/pseuds/ambrolen
Summary: Inspired by the Broadwaystuck of the same name.You are Karkat Vantas and you've been living on Earth C with your best friend, Dave Strider, for a few years.But you have some pent up feelings you're very angry about.





	God Fucking Damnit Dave

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you're fucking tired of your roommate.

The two of you have been living together on Earth C for a few years now and, while you also consider him your best friend, your tolerance of his antics wanes.

Today it is at a low.

You had gone to the kitchen to grab the last slice of pizza out of the fridge. Just as you were about to grab it, Dave ws next to you, eating it. Fucking god tiers. He never lorded his powers over you and in theory he was against using them unless absolutely necessary, but in practice it was apparently absolutely necessary to fuck with you when he was bored.

"GOD FUCKING DAMNIT, DAVE! YOU BETTER GET US SOME MORE FOOD IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE A DICK."

Dave smiled mid-bite and gestured over to the counter. On it was a new pizza box, still warm to the touch. "For you," he said, bowing slightly.

You whipped around and stormed off to your room.

And here you are now, lightly banging your head into the wall, ignoring the blush you can feel stained to your face since you abruptly absconded. This is not a rare occurance for you, to the point you swear you can see a slight dent in the wall from misuse.

Your mind travels back, as it always does when you're in one of these moods, to when you first summoned John and Dave to that memo to admonish them for flirting with Vriska and Terezi all those years ago. Even then Dave knew how to push your buttons. Is that where all this started? Were you too busy getting over your black crush on John to notice the one emerging on Dave?

But it's not always black.

God, you're pathetic.

You try to force your mind to go down the comforting self-hate spiral, but it lingers on Dave and your accusations.

You wonder what would have happened had Vriska not been on the meteor with them. He seemed to have pretty easily shrugged off any feelings he had had for her, but you had still noticed... looks. Looks that were sometimes reciprocated.

Then there was Jade, who Dave had kind of almost had a relationship with before. What if _she_ had been on the meteor with them?

Or John?

Nope! You're not going down that line of thinking! One boy problem is enough right now.

You throw yourself face first onto the bed.

You still use your recuperacoon for most of your actual sleeping, but man are human beds useful for throwing yourself onto! You're not sure how you lived without this expression of futile rage before.

You hear your door open.

"If you're done with your tantrum, the pizza's still waiting for you. I could even heat it up in the oven if you want," Dave says.

You flip him off without looking at him.

"Suit yourself."

You hear your door creak close.

Wait.

Heat it up in the oven?

You turn your head to look at the doorway Dave as previously standing in only to discover he did not close the door all the way and he happened to turn back to look at you right as you turned to look toward him.

He smirks and shoots finger guns at you.

You scowl, then wordlessly get up to slam the door.

God you hate that motherfucking Strider!

You re-flop down on the bed, more curled up than the angry plank you were before.

You drift off.

\----

A body presses you into the wall.

Hot breath on your neck followed by teeth.

Your nails dig into flesh and you can feel a heart pounding against your chest.

Lips travel up your neck, up your chin, to your own.

You are consumed.

\----

It's either very late or very early when you wake up, depending on your point of view. You lay in bed for a few moments, contemplating whether you want to try to get back into that dream or stop thinking about it. Your stomach growls and you opt for the latter.

You make your way down to the kitchen, careful not to wake up Dave. The pizza is no longer on the counter and is instead waiting for you in the fridge. Score one for food safety, something you guys honestly lack half the time! You grab a plate and go to grab a couple of slices.

The pizza is no longer in the fridge.

The beep of the oven startles you and you whirl around toward it.

Mother.

Fucking.

Strider.

He has oven mitts on and waves casually at you before turning to retrieve the pizza.

You grab him by his shirt collar and whip him back around.

"REALLY?" you ask.

Dave looks startled, his eyebrows raised and his mouth slightly open.

Your face is... way closer to his than you meant it to be. At this distance, you can see his eyes through his shades, and they're locked with yours. You can feel him relax slightly under your grip.

You break eye contact and lightly shove him away.

"I'M GOING BACK TO BED. I'M NOT HUNGRY ANYWAY."

And so you do.

Well, you go to your room, at least.

You don't feel like dealing with a change of clothes later, so you opt for the bed and close your eyes. Red eyes stare back.

You roll onto your back and stare at the ceiling.

This is just how tonight's going to be, huh?

Well.

Fuck it.

You push your pants down to your knees, pull your shirt up slightly, and push back your sleeves to your elbows.

Between that dream and the rare eye contact with Dave, you've been ready to go.

You grasp your bulge with one hand and push two fingers of the other into your already wet nook. You're not usually a double fister, but it's been an _exceptional_ day.

Your bulge twitches in your hand as you begin rubbing it up and down, lingering at the tip as you go. Your fingers pump in and out of your nook, taking care to rub the spot beneath the base of your bulge.

Dave's eyes, boring into yours. What if you had pulled him closer rather than pushed?

Your pace quickens.

Had he been waiting for you? Had he been waiting to fuck with you? Had he been wanting to--

"Hey, Karka--"

Dave was in your room, his hand on the doorknob, his mouth still open with the unfinished syllable and his cheeks flushed bright red.

"FUCK!" You hastily jerk your blanket over your body. "KNOCK????"

Dave looks in panic at the door then back at you. "I thought you were asleep?? It wasn't locked!"

"SORRY STRIDER I DIDN'T REALIZE WE JUST BARGED IN ON PEOPLE LIKE WE OWN THE GODDAMNED PLACE!"

"I _do_ \--"

"NOT. THE. POINT!"

"Fair."

You and Dave stare at each other for a few moments.

"SOOOOO...." You gesture at the door.

He lurches forwards a step, then seems to realize what he did as you instinctively back away into the wall.

"WHAT ARE YOU--"

You're not sure if more god tier powers were at work, but Dave is on the bed directly in front of you in what seems like milliseconds.

His hand reaches out to you, but stays hovering, not quite touching, as he leans toward you.

"dave?" You're not sure what you're asking.

"You seemed upset. Moreso than usual."

You can feel his breath on your face.

"i..."

His hand rests on the base of your neck then travels down your clavicle to your chest.

"Is this okay?" he asks.

"yes." You're not sure if you're breathing.

His other hand joins his first and they trail further down until they're at the hem of your shirt.

He tugs at it.

You just nod.

You adjust as he pulls your shirt up and over your head, careful not to get it caught on your horns.

He turns slightly to toss the shirt off the bed and when he turns back, you lean forward and kiss him, tentatively at first, then with more confidence as he kisses back.

You lean forward more until he falls back onto the bed and you're on top of him.

You're kissing him angrily almost, pressing your weight into him and nipping at his lips, one hand gripping his hair close to the scalp.

You try to adjust your body into a better position, but your legs are tangled up in your half-off pants. "FUCKING CLOTHES," you gripe as you kick them all the way off.

Dave takes this opportunity to flip you over onto your back. He pushes your legs to either side with his own, takes off his glasses, then rests his hands at the base of your hips, dangerously close to where you want them.

His eyes meet yours and he asks, "Is this okay?"

"FUCK. YES."

Dave smiles and twists one hand to rub the outside of your nook before slipping a finger then a second in. You let out a moan as he finger fucks you and another as he grabs the base of your bulge and squeezes slowly upward.

He pauses his motions and you look down to see him move back a little, then tip his head down and take your bulge in his mouth and start fingering you again. His head bobs up and down on your bulge, letting his teeth graze it and occasionally stopping to twirl his tongue around the tip.

"HOWWWWW.......... THE FUCK!"

Dave's hand trades places with his mouth and he smirks. "One, it seems like the obvious thing to do, and two, I've watched porn, dude." He begins to lower his head again, but you grab him by his hair, and pull his face up to yours. His eyes glaze over as you do this, and he barely catches himself with his hands on either side of your head, then moans into your mouth when your lips connect. You push your tongue into his mouth after a moment he begins sucking on it. You press yourself into him as well as you can from your laying position, then pull him away slightly by his hair. "FUCK ME," you growl into his ear.

Before you know it, his shirt is on your floor, and his pants and boxers quickly follow suite. You watch as his dick bounces out of its restraints and taps against his stomach. Then he's on top of you again, kissing you, nibbling your lips, and his dick is now resting on your stomach. You can feel your bulge twitch against it and Dave shudders slightly as it does.

"is this okay?" you ask, suddenly unsure.

Dave smiles down at you. "Yeah. That was... a new sensation, but it was good. Veeerrry good." He lets out a short laugh then kisses you again.

You enjoy kissing. You enjoy kissing Dave, especially, and an hour ago you would have been content with this. Now? You rub your bulge against Dave's cock impatiently. "I SAID _FUCK_ ME, STRIDER!"

He laughs against your lips. Then he begins trailing kisses down your chin, then your neck, then your chest, pausing to bite as he goes. He rests his forehead against your chest then adjusts his weight to reach down with one hand and grab his dick and your tentabulge with one motion. He thrusts lightly with his hips, keeping his hand stationary while his dick rubs against your bulge. Then he starts moving his hand up and down as well.

Fuck that feels good.

You begin moving your hips as well, but he moves his hand to the base of your respective erections and splays out his hand to lightly push you down. "Wait."

"WAIT?"

"Wait."

Your tentabulge twitches more, its tip rubbing against Dave's. Dave sighs and bites his lip.

"FUCK WAITING!"

A light gasp escapes Dave as you flip him over and maneuver to pin both his wrists with one hand. "IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FUCK ME, THEN I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU!" you declare.

You pause and try to read his facial expression. "if that's okay, of course."

Dave nods furiously. Then stops. "Wait, do you have lube?"

"lube?" You stare blankly.

Dave's expression grows serious. "Lube."

"FUCK!"

You release Dave's wrists and get off of him before swinging half your body off your bed to dig under it, looking for your 'maybe one day' stash. Success! You swing your full body back onto the bed, holding your treasure high.

"Nice," Dave says.

You realize he's right where you left him, legs slightly spread, and wrists together, waiting to be pinned down again.

You squirt some lube into your hand and rub it on your bulge. Wow, colder than you expected! You squeeze out another glob of lube and rub it between your hands to warm it up before reaching down to Dave's ass.

Despite your attempts, he still jumps a bit at the temperature difference, he still nods the go ahead for you to continue.

You tease the outside of his hole, making sure it's lubed up before reapplying some to your fingers and pushing one in. Dave tenses up at first, but gestures for you to keep going. You pump your finger in and out of his hole, reapplying lube as you think is necessary, and Dave begins to relax. You apply lube to your second finger and push it in as well. Dave's breathing gets heavier as you finger his ass, faster and faster as you get the feel for it. With your other hand, you drizzle more lube on your bulge and stroke it to make sure it's coated.

Then you're on top of him, one hand back on his wrists, the other now positioning your bulge. You kiss him. "are you ready?" He nods. You push forward slowly, and you both are breathing hard as you fully enter him. You stay there for a moment, letting you both get used to the sensation, then begin moving in and out, slow at first, gentle, then he starts pushing into you and you begin thrusting in earnest.

Since your free hand is no longer needed for positioning, you wrap it around Dave's cock and jerk it off, maintaining as much rhythm as you possibly can. Dave groans and tries to move his arms, but your weight on his wrists.

His bucking is getting erratic, and yours is too.

You stop jacking him off and instead lightly rub the head of his cock, paying attention to his gasps to see what motion has the best effect.

He tenses.

"I'm--"

He cums. Rope after rope decorating his abdomen, some spilling onto your hand. He locks eyes with you as he wrests one arm out from your grip, grabs your hand, and sucks his cum off your finger.

You manage one more thrust before you cum as well.

You slump on top of him for a moment, then roll over to lie next to him, both of you moaning lightly as your bulge slips out of him.

"FUCK."

Dave laughs. "You sure did, dude."

You push him lightly.

He turns toward you, draping an arm over you and nestling his head into your neck.

"Karkat?"

Your neck is tingling from the sensation of having his voice so close to it.

"yeah?"

"I love you. I've loved you for a long time."

"me too."

"We're dumbasses, huh?"

You bark out a laugh. "YEAH WE'RE DEFINITELY DUMBASSES."

You lay together for a while in silence, almost drifting off to sleep, when a thought occurs to you.

"MAN I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO CLEANING THIS UP."

"Yeah, you have fun with that, dude."

"WHAT NO YOU'RE HELPING!"

"Why?"

You gesture vaguely at him. "BECAUSE YOU HELPED DO THIS???"

Dave shrugged. "I'll be the one cleaning it up next time."

"NEXT TIME?"

"Next time."

Well. Can't argue with that.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is my first... basically everything? So hopefully nothing was too wonky!


End file.
